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Big Ben

Cheerful clock face, majestic tower

Big Ben greets us hour by hour.

Thrilling tourists with its sound,

as every hour goes round and round.


The backdrop to our London day,

helping us along our way.

Ringing out, come rain or shine

a very reassuring sign.


When Parliament is in full flow,

with MP’s rushing to and fro,

the poor old clock, it does deplore,

because its seen it all before!


At question time with hot debate,

that striking bell says “don’t be late”.

Come in, come in and cast your vote

make sure you do not miss the boat!


So oh what sadness and despair.

For poor old Big Ben needs repair.

That’s what they said on News at Ten.

So no more bonging from Big Ben!


But not forever be assured

for when it’s mended and restored

it will return, that sonorous sound.

This famous landmark will redound.



The Football Match

I’m in mourning this evening,

for this afternoon’s game.

My team’s lost again,

which is really a shame.

I cheered them on

as best I could,

but the problem is,

they’re really no good!

At one stage we missed an open goal,

then mucked up a penalty,

which all took its toll.

Then a stroke of good luck

we went one in front

by our left back who pulled off

a wonderful stunt.

Then up came the ref with his

little red card for a kick on the shin,

which was terribly hard.

So off went our goalie

to sit on the side,

which gave our opponents

a real easy ride.

The score-line at half-time

was six goals to one

and their fans went so wild

to witness such fun.

But our team were flagging

and needed the rest and the poor

old manager had lost all his zest.

The second half then

brought a reprieve

They scored an own goal –

would you believe?

So our chaps perked up

and ran round like crazy,

but after that it all got so hazy.

The final score

should never be told.

It will probably haunt us until we grow old.

But at least we got two,

which should have been plenty.

But our rotten opponents

totalled up twenty!!


Down by the River.

I saw a Goose Swanning around

on the river today

and Moorhens than I could count.


Then, Eider a Duck or a Pigeon

were Robin bread from a Starling;

lovely wholemeal bread, scattered

by the Bird Man of Chiswick.


A Blackbird was Crowing away

to see such fun, but the poor Starling

was Raven mad.


A Heron kept Storking a Gannet,

to stop it eating all the titbits.

They really ought

to have taken it in Terns.


I Seagulls everywhere

and hear them squawking away

and lots of small birds tweeting too.


Ah! Such an interesting 

Twitter Account!!


The Orchestra

Please keep in your elbows

when playing your oboes

and watch where you’re putting that bow!

And don’t let those maracas drive

me plain crackers,

as I try to conduct at this show.


When the trumpets do sound

please don’t turn around

with your trombone in your hand,

cause you just might knock out

or certainly clout

some other poor chap in the band.


And if you blow on the sax,

please give it the max,

in order to wring out emotion.

And please give some space

to the man on the bass

as he causes some wild commotion!


And if the pianos tinkle

makes your eyes twinkle

and maybe causes a tear.

Then please don’t forget

to mop up the wet,

or wear wellies

as part of your gear.


And if a roll on the drums

tends to rattle your gums and

make your jaw drop to the floor.

Just think what the clash

of a cymbals full thrash

will do to your ears evermore.


Oh to play in a band

is so terribly grand,

but I fear for your safety and health.

Perhaps you had better

Just go out and getta….

Cd although it’s more bland!!


Eating out.

Have you heard the latest news?

Everyone has got their views,

on the latest eating place,

replacing what was such disgrace.


From ghastly pub

to Gastro Pub,

a new exciting

social hub,

where glitterati meet to eat

(usually romantically),

their egos bumping

frantically.


They’re the coolest cool,

which makes us drool.

And if you look

you cannot miss

that special, empty,

famous kiss.

Just made for people

such as this.


The champagne flows

and the owner knows

just how much his

income grows,

as each exotic course appears

from smooth head waiter

of tender years,

surrounded by his entourage

of ladies with bold

décolletage.


And if you’re feeling

very hip,

the smooth head waiter

loves a tip,

so a twenty in his

pocket slip

and you will have him

in your grip!


And all in the name

of exquisite pleasure.

So savour the flavour

at your leisure,

then the memory will

be your treasure.

And it’s yours

for a lifetime

in full measure.


Yewtopia.

If you want to know how to achieve

Yewtopia,

so that life becomes a bowl of cherries.

I’m going to tell you how,

if that’s oak a with yew.


I know my dogwood like it

if life was a beech and it wood be

very poplar

with the elderly

and young people

are pining for it too.


We need to change the way

we see things

and pear life down to the essentials

in order to really twig it.

That way we won’t keep making a

ash of things.


So instead of getting boxed in

and keep on hedging our bets,

woodn’t it be better to branch out

and create a kind of yewtopiary?

Because humanity is

barking up the wrong tree.


So if yew and I leaves old ways behind

and copse hold of ideas like

giving and sharing,

its plane to see that we

could change the world.


And that wood be fruitful for all! 


Tony’s book

“A Day at the Zoo”

is available on Amazon at £6.96

All poems are copyright Tony Inwood and can only be reproduced by permission.

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